Love Can Hold It All

Love Can Hold It All

I’m writing this blog post while sitting on the roof of my old house.


Call me sentimental and dramatic, I just had to chill up here one last time before we sell the house.

I am aware that 2020 has been a crazy year for everyone everywhere, but for me and my family — it has hit us on a deeply personal level.

It has deconstructed our old beliefs, forced us to work on ourselves and see everyone through the lens of grace — all while ripping our hearts open.

I’ve never been a fan of disclosing details about my personal life online so this post is not going to go into the nuts and bolts of our family journey.

What this post is going to do is help me (and hopefully you) reflect on how even in our worst days, God’s love can cover us.


When we bought the house in 2018, I was in a comma mentally and I didn’t even know it. I didn’t know how to tackle it, I wasn’t aware of it let alone trying to address it.

All I knew was I gradually started getting very sad.

Very, very sad.

I constantly felt trapped and suffocated and I didn’t know why. I constantly felt the need to escape and I didn’t have anyone to talk to. Not because I didn’t have any friends, I did. I still do.

It is just hard to express something that you can’t even identify and process on your own.

I slowly started picking up my old habits that were not good for my health and by the end of 2018, we had gone through a death in the family, a few anxiety attacks, major fights, and a lot of sadness.

When you do something so major and so grown up like purchasing a home (or getting married or having a baby), you have this hope and vision of what you think this thing will bring you or do to you. And what you’d like to do to it to make it better.

It’s a beautiful and exciting thing to start something new.

But then life hits you and you look up one day, realizing that those hopes and dreams didn’t come to pass. And this “thing” that you purchased/got into didn’t bring you what you had hoped for.


Was it all bad? No.

Do I have good memories of living in this house? Yes.

That’s the thing. Nothing is ever ALL bad. Just like no one is ever ALL bad.

Everything in life is so nuanced. Everything has context.

People have their reasons. They weren’t born jerks. Something happened to them.

A house doesn’t stop becoming a home just because the decor is off.

Nothing is ever really that simple. Just because you’re walking away from something, doesn’t mean it’s all bad. And vice versa, just because you’re walking into something, doesn’t mean it’s all good.


It is never easy to walk away from something you once chose.

I have all these questions in my head and I thought nobody would listen. No one would understand. That feeling has boxed me in for so long and has caused deep sadness in my heart.

But in a quiet Sunday afternoon a year ago in this very house, I said a prayer with tears running down my eyes. I said, “God. I don’t know where else to go. I have these questions, and what I am feeling is real. I tried to pray it away but it is still here. And I feel like a failure saying it out loud.”

And you know what I heard back?

“I can take it.”

I am grateful for my family and for the lessons we have learned in this house. No matter what happens we will always be family. And I have hope that God will heal us like only He can, wherever this next chapter leads us.

I’ll leave you with the lyrics from the song I currently have on repeat, Love Can Hold It All by Lennon Stella.

Hearts and hands that hurt
Hearts and hands that heal
All the things we question
Everythin’ we feel
Love can hold it all

Words we could have said
Things we should have done
The beauty and the darkness
Inside of everyone
Love can hold it all
Oh, love can hold it all

Both sides of the story
The rising and the fall
Love can hold it all

One response to “Love Can Hold It All”

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