Solivagant.

When was the last time you actually sat with your own thoughts, distraction-free? Did you get to process your feelings? Are you aware of what you’re doing right in life this season? And can you name a few areas that need improvement?


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It’s such a noisy world we’re living in. So much so that all we consume is other people’s opinion. And thanks to algorithm, what is considered true is relative.

With all this confusion, our need to be validated and seen is undoubtedly at an all-time high.


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After learning a valuable lesson this year that I cannot depend on others to validate me and complete me, I began training myself to be okay with my own company since July. It gets a little too quiet sometimes, I’m not gonna lie. And I gotta admit that I find myself seeking the noise from time to time.

This noise withdrawal got even more intense when I decided to take a solo trip to Nashville late October 2020.

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I stayed at a church-turned-boutique hotel that was so gorgeous!

I rented a nice car that I couldn’t figure out how to start for the first 20 minutes of the rental period.

I had some of the best donuts I’ve ever had in my life.

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I toured the Cheekwood estate and bought a Dale Chihuly printed scarf.


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I visited the legendary Ryman Auditorium and was blown away by the history and legacy of the building itself.

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And I even went to see a drive-in concert + movie screening by one of the bands I really like.

But all of these fun things seemed to fade when at the concert, a person next to me, who had her boyfriend + best friend + her best friend’s boyfriend with her, rolled down her window and asked me, “Are you here by yourself?”


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“Yup,” I replied.

“Aaw!,” she said with a sad face and then awkwardly walked away.

She was so concerned as if she was looking at a sad little girl who had no friends!

I was content and happy, but the minute other people thought I wasn’t, I started questioning my own feelings and choices. “Was it a mistake to come here alone? Do I look pathetic?” — I asked myself.

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It’s so silly right? I paid for this trip, I do not owe her money but for some reason what she said bothered me.

How many of us has changed our behavior because of what others say? How often does our mood change as a result of other people’s actions (or content, let’s be honest)?

We are so fragile!

Anyway, on my second night in Nashville I pushed through this solitary adventure. I didn’t look at my phone during dinner and I stayed for 1.5 hour at the restaurant. By myself. No Instagram and no FaceTime. No shame.

It was annoying at first but I’m glad I did it. By letting my mind wander, I got revelations about how I need to approach my current season in life and I also got some great ideas for what I need to do next, creatively!


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Take breaks from the noise often, y’all. Don’t be afraid of that weird feeling that’s telling you you’re lonely and you’re a weirdo for spending time with yourself.

Having an entourage 24/7 doesn’t make you less lonely. Having a gazillion followers who comment on your every post doesn’t fill the hole in your heart. All the tweets can wait. All the DMs can wait. Your thoughts might not! You don’t process it, it’s gonna show up in another form at another time. And it might do some damage so…

Talk to You, encourage You, nourish You, listen to You, learn to be okay with You. 🙂

-Deb

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